November 23, 2006

Last Night My Mama Came

Last night my Mama came ... on soft wispy wings.  Her tender voice ... the softest declaration of love and hope ... a lullaby ushered in ... on the wings of a dove.  My restless spirit was hushed; harmony and tranquility took hold.
Last Night My Mama Came
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Well this didn't really happen last night ... but I just finished my journal page LOL


I talked to my Mama almost every single day without fail my whole life … it was only those last days before cancer took her life that she was unable to speak back. Every day I went to the hospital determined to get those last words to her out and every day I could not get a sound to escape my own lips knowing I would not hear her soothing voice.

Not a single day has passed since that I have not longed to hear her voice again and hoped for any sign that she is still with me. My mother had a very quiet strength and spirit … so quiet that I feel I cannot recognize her presence when she is near and I have never stopped searching for those signs.

My dear sweet doggie Bubbles was sick the same time as my mother; I always felt she hung on those last few months so she would be here to help me through those first months of grief after my mother was gone. After Bubbles passed away I asked my mother to give me a sign that they were together.

Several months after my mother’s death, I dreamed she and I were looking out the window of a house over a misty swamp. All these animals danced across the top of the water through the trees and disappeared in the fog ... very ghostlike and eery. My mother never uttered a word and yet I was so glad to see her again; she seemed so real. In my dream I reached out to touch her on the arm and she evaporated into thin air.

Last week I had another nightmare where I was searching for my mother, which prompted the I Dreamt Last Night journal page I posted on November 18th. The night after I posted it to my blog, my mother and Bubbles came to visit me in a dream and I heard my mother’s voice for the first time in six years. She had no great words of wisdom for me, but her voice filled me with such a great sense of peace … the kind of peace that can only come with the visit of a loved spirit.

My family chose the dove as a symbol for my mother; she was always the peacemaker in the family and true to her nature, she swooped into my dream and gave me the peace I so desperately longed for.

I thought it was fitting that I post this today, as this is what I am most thankful for this Thanksgiving holiday.


Fran S said...

Karen, This is a stunning page and such a beautiful tribute to your mother on this Thanksgiving Day. I'm sure she is smiling down at you today.
Hugs, Fran

Tricia said...

what a beautiful page! i think you translated your feelings so well into your art.

Anonymous said...

Karen, That is so beautiful and touching. I lost my mother when I was 33 and my daughter was just 4 month old. It was a very difficult time, but now 30 years later, I still miss her. I think I will save some words for your January pages! Thanks for the happy memories.

Anonymous said...

this is lovely karen. i am totally in awe of your work and especially your ability to express yourself through it.

Anonymous said...

I just keep coming back to this page over and over. It is truly beautiful.

Anonymous said...

Wow...this is so personal to you, and yet, at the same time, personal to me. I have had similar dreams of my mom evaporating when I reach out to touch her. I'm so glad you have found some peace............inkybru

Connie said...

oh karen - this is so moving! i too have had my mother come to me in dreams - (but i want more!) and sometimes she speaks, but usually not. but we communicate anyway and just like you, it always leaves me filled with such peace and joy.
thank you for sharing your experiences....and i still find myself doing "mama" art.