The focus on Day 6 of my advent study is putting in the right clothes ... but being authentic; changing from the inside out. This is one of those things I have prayed without ceasing since the day I became a child of the King.
I try to always be authentic ... to be true to who I am ... but in all honesty I still struggle in these efforts. I have spent most of my life living in darkness and time and time again, I find I am more than willing to put on the clothes of darkness; it is the clothes of Light I often struggle with. My change is real, but I feel like my brain often lags behind my heart. It takes a while for me to trust in transformation.
Life is hard and during times of hardship, I used to sit in darkness for weeks and months at a time. It is what I have always known. Lately, I find that my spirit bounces back from things that would have once been crushing blows much more quickly. Except my brain hasn't quite caught up yet. My heart says I am ready to forgive ... accept ... and to love ... but I try to trust in who I used to be ... not who I am today ... and I linger in darkness for a while before realizing that is not who I am anymore.
I think of a puppy at that awkward stage ... when his enthusiasm and gait is big ... but his legs are still growing. He topples into somersaults. That is often me.
The theme of this study was change and a desire to wear the clothes of Christ in authenticity. It reminded me of a favorite theme sing we always sing at Young Life camp. I found a cool video with the lyrics and this was the inspiration behind my accompanying journal page.